Never judge a book by it’s cover, they said.

You may learn something, they said.

Well, these covers taught me two things. One: some subjects are just incredibly boring. Two: Judging a book by it’s cover is not always a bad thing. Enter, some weird AF book titles (and covers):

 

1. How To Avoid Huge Ships: Volume 2 by Captain John W. Trimmer

This snore-fest of a book—intended for a very specific audience of  yacht/smaller vessel captains—was written by Captain John W. Trimmer. Its intention is to teach these boat operators a thing or two in the art of avoiding barges, ocean liners, cruise ships, and other enormous boats. The REAL kicker: This is the second version of the originally self published title!

hugeships
Source: Amazon

2. Fancy Coffins To Make Yourself by Dale Power

In case you die from boredom after reading the above title, I sure hope you read this book first!

coffin
Source: Amazon

3. Fart Proudly writings of Benjamin Franklin, edited by Carl Japiske

Mr. Franklin said it, folks. However, this book is actually a collection of hilarious and satirical essays by Benjamin Franklin. It’s not a story about farting proudly, but who am I to stop you?

fart-proudly
Source: Amazon

4. How To Poo series by Mats and Enzo

Before we move on from bathroom humor, these two authors created a series of guide books meant for ‘number two’ leery folk. Whether you’re at work, or on a date, you will be able to poo safely and with proper… pootiquette?

howtopoo
Source: Amazon

5. Teach Your Wife To Be A Widow by Donald I. Rogers

Jumping the gun a little—maybe? Old school, sexist book—definitely!

widow
Source: Amazon

6. An Intellectual History Of Cannibalism by Cătălin Avramescu

What the what? If anyone saw you out in public with this…well…you would probably get some stares, for sure.

cannibal
Source: Amazon

7. Crafting With Cat Hair by Kaori Tsutaya

Guess what, guys? You can make tiny crafts out of balls of your cats fur. How cool is that? LOL.

Tsutaya: helping crazy cat ladies (and gentlemen) level up since 2011.

crafting-with-cat-hair-21138
Source: Amazon

8. 50 Sad Chairs by Bill Keaggy

This riveting definition of a page turner.

50sadchairs
Source: Amazon

9. The Pop-Up Book Of Phobias by Gary Greenberg

There’s nothing quite as paralyzing as having your biggest fears jump right off the page! Great idea, Gary.

img_5453
Source: Amazon

10. Extreme Ironing by Phil Shaw

I thought ironing was already considered an extreme sport, what with all the burning hot surfaces, starchy clothes, and not to mention the pressure to eliminate creases—those buggers are stubborn! You’ll be pleased to know, this circa 2004 book is currently out of stock on Amazon. Seriously.

extreme-ironing-cover-small
Source: Amazon

11. Natural Bust Enlargement With Total Mind Power by Donald L. Wilson

Although I have no comment to make regarding this magical 1979 masterpiece of a book, this Amazon review creator had an excellent response to the atrocity this book shall forever be considered.

Anonymousmammal wrote in January of 2015:

“If we can accomplish all humanity has accomplished by using just 10% of our brains, why on EARTH would you use the unleashed 90% of it to make your boobs bigger? Think about if your brain was nine times more capable. And you’re going to use it to generate tissue on your chest so men will gawk at you?…”

“…You’re nine times smarter. Imagine being able to innovate at nine times the rate we can. Imagine how much more quickly you could finish your work—you’d have tons of time off work to spend with your kids, to problem solve, to contribute to the advancement of your communities. You’re a freaking SUPERHUMAN and you’re going to waste your powers on something that can be fixed with a simple boob job or sense of self-worth? I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.”

Neither do I, anonymousmammal. Neither. Do. I.

bust

12. How To Be Danish by Patrick Kingsley

You know, in case you forgot! *(On a side note, this book might strike interest for those who are really devoted to discovering more about the history of Denmark)*

how-to-be-danish-9781476755489_hr
Source: Amazon

13. If God Loves Me, Why Can’t I Get My Locker Open? by Lorraine Peterson

Why, God? Why?

#firstworldproblems

40d982cb7838f9ed5a4b0f60d039ad9c
Source: Amazon

I can now build my own coffin after I die from reading about large ships and how to avoid them. I can make all kinds of creepy crafts out of my cat (I don’t have a cat). I’m able to sustain the household in the event of my husband’s untimely death. Plus, I’ve gained a whole new respect for cannibals. Not to mention, I can face my phobia of spiders, and grow my boobs with my mind! Wow, and here I thought I wasn’t going to learn anything creating this hilarious list of wacky book titles.

Disclaimer: I haven’t read any of these. Have you?

YouTube Channel: Good Mythical Morning

 

Featured image via Miss CM

h/t Buzzfeed & AbeBooks