Today, we will focus on 10 humorous quotes found in worthwhile novels. So, sit back, relax, and have a few cookies while reading these entertaining tidbits that might make your day a little more enjoyable!
1. “If I were a teacher I would cook up some real scorchers for the children of doting parents. ‘Your son Maximilian’, I would write, ‘is a total wash-out. I hope you have a family business you can push him into when he leaves school because he sure as heck won’t get a job anywhere else.'”
~ Matilda by Roald Dahl
2. “Babies are made through an act that you will eventually find intriguing but for right now will just sort of horrify you, and also sometimes people do stuff that involves baby-making parts that does not actually involve making babies, like for instance kiss each other in places that are not on the face.”
~ An Abundance of Katherines by John Green
3. “‘I hope I get pulled over,’ he says. ‘I’d like to see how the cop responds to a black man wearing a Confederate T-shirt over a black dress.’”
~ Paper Towns by John Green
4. “If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.”
~ Horseradish by Lemony Snicket
5. “If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.”
~ The Wide Window by Lemony Snicket
6. “‘You know, it’s at times like this, when I’m trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I’d listened to what my mother told me when I was young,’
‘Why, what did she tell you?’
‘I don’t know, I didn’t listen.'”
~ The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams
7. “In the beginning, the Universe was created. This had made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”
~ The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams (again)
8. “Today I ran after a boy as he was trying to get away. I tackled him and we both landed in the mud. Do you think I appeared desperate?”
~ The Misfits by James Howe
9. “Q: Are you guys shooting a movie?
A: No. We’re opening a mid-priced Italian restaurant.
A: Yes of course we’re shooting a movie.
Q: What’s the movie about?
A: It’s a documentary about human stupidity.
Q: Can I be in your movie?
A: We’d be stupid not to put you in it.”
~ Me and Earl and the Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews
10. “‘Dear Diary,’ he began. ‘On Friday I had a job, a fiancé, a home, and a life that made sense. Now I’ve got no fiancé, no home, no job, and I’m walking around a couple of hundred feet under the streets of London with the projected life expectancy of a suicidal fruit fly.’”
~ Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman
So remember, when it seems like the world is falling apart, pick up a book and allow yourself to smile! Which of these quotes tickled your funny bone?
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